Words Not spoken
by SassafrasTea
Summary: Set when the Sannin were still jounin. Jiraiya stays with the Rain orphans and Orochimaru and Tsunade are left to make the trip back to the Leaf alone.


They didn't speak of it.

Jiraiya had chosen the orphans over her. Tsunade wouldn't/couldn't fault him for it. The toad sage's heart was a big as a mountain and he would always put the helpless first. She, despite watching her lover bleed out under her hands a few weeks earlier, was far from helpless, or so she desperately told herself.

The first night it was just her and Orochimaru, the blonde didn't sleep. She couldn't lie in that tent and not have her mind play tricks and remember Dan's arms around her, his soft murmurs as they planned out a future that never was. There were shadows under her eyes as they came closer to the Land of Fire border. Her near silent companion kept his eyes on her, noting each bruise and stumble as she went another day without sleep.

Though his face stayed placed, he was full of anger, at Jiraiya for abandoning her when she needed him most and at himself for being unable to save her from heartbreak. He unbent enough to let out a sigh, signaling a stop just inside the border. Slitted eyes narrowed as he reached out to snag her arm before she could jump up and spend the night in a tree playing look out.

"You need sleep my dear." Orochimaru murmured. "You could hide half the Leaf ninja in the shadows dogging your eyes."

Tsunade felt her breath catch and shook off his grip. She couldn't slow down or let her body rest, if she did, if she for a single moment gave into the exhaustion plaguing her, she'd see his face and break. The dark haired man nearly gave into the temptation of rolling his eyes. He knew her, knew her better than she knew herself. "You need to sleep." He said again. "Come lay down, Princess. We'll sleep and get back the Leaf tomorrow."

She frowned at him, but relented. In truth she didn't know how much longer she could elude sleep. She crawled in the tent before him and immediately cast her eyes to the blank spot where Jiraya would have laid. Their sleeping arrangements were such a force of habit, she didn't even think to question why he kept their bed rolls so close.

Orochimaru let out his breath in relief as he followed her into the tent. If she could get some sleep, she would start to heal. He watched her pull the blankets up and drop like a stone. His gaze kept watch, long after he should have been asleep himself; worry marring his usually expressionless face. His eyes started to droop when he heard the whimper and widened them to watch her curl into herself and sob. Was she even awake? He reached out and gathered her against him, shifting and moving her blanket to cover them both.

Tsunade had dreamt of Dan's face again, and listened to his words about how he wanted to protect the village. She had laughed and leaned up to kiss his face, only to have it flash to his dying one and the blood that covered them both. The hands grabbing her had jerked her awake in an instant. She stiffened before recognizing the slender body holding her own.

Hands spasmed before moving to pull him closer, burrowing against him as she let the tears fall. "I can't stop seeing his face." She choked out. "Every time I close my eyes he dies again. I think I'm going crazy. Will of Fire Oro, I'm scared I'm losing my mind."

Pale hands stroked her hair as he held her. What could he say? Everything with form decays. That hardly seemed like the words to comfort her. No, he needed words he just didn't have. His mind was drawn to the empty side of the tent as he mentally cursed Jiraiya again. The man had words, mouthfuls of them that would lift her spirits, all he had was himself. It hardly seemed sufficient for the woman that was trembling in his arms. He tilted his head and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Just cry Princess. I'll hold you and won't let you break."

And so he did.

That night and the night after, even when they made it back to the Village she stayed at his apartment. Every night Tsunade would grab his hand and lead them to his small bed to curl around him in a tangle of arms and legs citing that she couldn't bear to be home with her memories.

He wasn't Dan. Tsunade knew that. She knew this was a dangerous game and she was on the losing side of it, but at night when she could shut her eyes and pretend, it wasn't the jounin Orochimaru she was wrapped around, it was her lover warm and breathing beside her. It made her already fragile mind start to fray and it made her reckless.

Sake soaked thoughts as she once again fled her hospital rounds to drag him to his darkened room and blight out the last rays of sun with a flick of the curtains, throwing them into darkness. "Please," she had whispered leaning against him. "Please help me forget."

He looked down at her, not in disgust… it would take more than her drunk and broken to disgust him. She was like a wounded bird, wings broken beyond compare but still she would beat her wings trying to fly until she had exhausted herself. He wasn't selfless though, far from it. He would help her, he would do his best to make her forget all but her own name, but it would be on his terms.

"Lay down." He said stepping away from her to turn on the light switch. When Tsunade started to protest, he raised a pale hand.

"Lay down Princess, let me help you forget." He wouldn't say why he wanted the light. No, Orochimaru would never tell her that he didn't want to be a stand in for Dan. He was going to keep her aware, painfully and pleasurably aware that he was the one touching her.

But he wouldn't say the words.


End file.
